Leaving something or someone behind, whether it be in your control or out of your control can be gut wrenching. Being aware of these five stages can help the process and help you to be aware of what you're feeling and why. These can be felt in any order- everyone is different and goes through things differently. Each is living their own story, their own version of the human condition.
The first stage I want to talk about is Denial and Isolation. This feeling is displacement, going through the motions and sticking that pesky thought wayyy in the back of your thoughts. You start to feel or actually be cut off from others. This is natural, for a time. It creates a barrier from the initial realization that something- a part of you- needs to be let go. Hiding within can be helpful and give proper insight to what you may be feeling and why. The important thing is not to stay here. The longer you push the feeling back, the stronger it will become. It can manifest in unhealthy ways and slow the grieving process as well as the growing process.
The second stage is Anger. By allowing yourself to realize what you're feeling and as the barrier comes down, you may become angry at yourself. This could be a form of guilt, manifesting as self-anger or anger for the vice, person, etc.. Asking "why in the hell would I think that?" or placing some sort of blame on others. Even placing blame on yourself and utilizing self deprecating behavior. Being angry is a valid emotion. Let me repeat: Being Angry is a VALID emotion and should be felt as such. Follow the wave of it, allow it to wash over you and when all is said and done, let it rest on the shore- allowing the ebb and flow of emotions to continue their cycle.
The third stage is Bargaining. That little pre-reward system we tend to grasp onto. "Well if I text them today then I won't text them for three days after." Or "If I finish this pack of cigarettes then I won't buy another". It's OKAY to think this way. It's okay to want to reward good behavior but it's harmful to use the vice or person AS the reward- especially as the pre-reward. This won't bring back the past, it won't make you feel like you once did or allow yourself to grow from this thing you need to let go of. You have outgrown it- you won't be able to go back to how it was; as much as you feel that the past is the way it should be. Don't force your growth to be pushed into a hole it won't fit into. You're doing yourself and others no justice here- allow expansion and understanding. Come to terms; an understanding of what is actually happening.
The fourth stage is Depression. This is sadness. It is the slow parting of something or someone dear to us. This can manifest in different ways- it's different for everyone. This is the known shedding of ones skin and the fear for what may come. The support of others is crucial in this stage. Look to others, look for advice and look for hugs! It is okay to feel this way. It is OKAY to cry and feel exposed and alone. Look to the support system in your life. Allow them to reassure you and be there for you. Understand that this is only temporary and that you will bloom again into something beautiful when your soul has reached it's spring.
The fifth and final stage is acceptance. Acceptance of who you have become without this person, place or thing in your life. Acceptance that life moves swiftly and sometimes abruptly. This is a time of deep introspection and can be brought on by depression. Like the Hermit in a tarot deck, this time is used to contemplate whats to come and being at ease with oneself. Being alone does not mean being lonely. Being afraid does not mean avoiding fear. Acceptance is something larger, as a whole. It's a private understanding and each person handles it differently.
These stages can be dealt with in any order, at any time. Sometimes you will feel two stages at once. There is no time limit on the process and can't be copied by anyone else. The experience is yours and yours alone.
Viewing it through the cards: Death VS The Tower
Both cards have the opportunity for change and growth. Death is more of a personal experience like a butterfly emerging from a chrysalis.
The Tower card is more of a sudden change; uncontrolled and shaky. This is about outside events affecting your foundation and having less control in the overall situation; Like an earthquake, affecting the foundation of a house. Although predictable- sometimes you just have to stand in the doorway and hold on until it stops.
Both of these can lead to grief and having to leave something behind. Rising from the ashes or making plans to rebuild are important. It prepares you for the unknown, allows growth and helps the understanding of self. Above all- love yourself through this process. Allow mistakes and allow the emotions. Blessed be, loves.
XOX
References used:
http://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/
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