Ultimately I have come to realize that the most harmful person to be in a room alone with is myself. Not everyday but I know for a fact I am extremely hard on myself- especially when it comes to my future plans.
I am sure most can relate to this. The constant hounding of "I'm not good enough" and all the "what if's.." one may have to deal with on a daily basis. The most harmful thoughts lie in wait, in the back of my mind and decide to come out and play when I am the most relaxed and about to go on a journey into slumber land. I know, for myself that this is the cause of creative constipation (and believe me, it's as uncomfortable and icky as it sounds). This is when I feel restless, that things need to be done and I have the ideas and the plans to bring them into fruition but something is holding me back.
Maybe it is because all the ideas have piled on top of each other and I have no idea where to begin.
-Then I doubt myself
-Then I frighten myself
-Then I become incredibly hard on myself
-Rinse and repeat
The fact is that I am a creative ball of sunshine but think about it WAY too much.
I back myself up and then go searching for a creative enema.
(Apparently, I'm big with the poop analogy tonight as well.)
I have no answer for this; I only know what works in the moment or for a period of time. This has been Tibetan Singing bowl music and a whole lotta smudging. Some quiet, uninterrupted tarot time and calming methods. Realizing I am not perfect and that is perfectly alright with me.
Someone once told me that every painting I paint can't be a masterpiece.
Every day can't be productive as fuck. After all Rome wasn't built in a day and neither is a business or good character. Or good habits.
Or the truest of love.
The journey is worth the time, even the "unimportant" in-between. Even the insomnia.
Thanks for your eyes and your time <3
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