Two things I obsess over....

Happy 20th Buffyverse!




So, I did a thing.


Before I get to it, I have a confession. I am completely and utterly obsessed with Buffy The Vampire Slayer. I'm talking BIG, fan. Huge. Ever since I've seen the show I have been completely hooked and never looked back. Buffy is my absolute hero and that show- the writing, scenes and characters- they have all SHINED a light on me and my life.


So, for funsies, I did a thing. I pulled a card for Buffy Anne Summers to show me the energies she portrays and how it might relate to my life.

I pulled The Empress.... which, although is a strong female card, was NOT what I was expecting. Taking a step back, I analyzed this...

{Warning: SPOILER ALERT!! If you have not seen Buffy...well, what the hell are you doing? It's on Netflix, go binge that shit right now!!}


The Empress IS the lioness. She is the nurturer and the world exists because of her fertility and her compassion for this world. At first light, I see Buffy more as The Strength card: Calming yet fierce. And she is that card, don't get me wrong but, the empress is feminine personified. It is motherly and fierce and THE protector. Through season 6 of Buffy, she has such a dip in her inner empress. She is distant and depressed and completely lost. Then she learned to enjoy life again after the terrible heartache of loosing her mother and dying at the end of season 5. During season 6, she comes back "different". She believes it was due to some sort of magic mix up but of COURSE she is different because she went through tumultuous events in her life. Don't worry- I'm nearing my point.

My point is that in season 7, she comes to realize that she needs to stop and smell the roses. That there was never anything wrong with her or the choices she made but she was growing. THIS is what the empress embodies. Stopping, smelling the roses and realizing that you are as mighty as an oak tree!

There are very many facets to Buffy, as there is to me!... or to anyone for that matter. The Empress was pulled for a reason. This facet needed to be shown from Buffy to mirror my life in some way.

Embrace my feminine side, don't give up and stop to smell your growth once in awhile. Go outside, get some sunshine and get in touch with something more tangible. Sometimes the best way to get a grip on reality is to well..... grip reality. Touch some earth, go elbow deep in that shit!

Don't worry about doing it wrong- Buffy is there to back you up.


Happy 20th ya'll. XOX

Sweating The Small Stuff.... and living to tell the tale

I know, I know.

It's been a long while since I wrote anything. And to be perfectly candid- I lost the will to type my little heart out for awhile.

You see, writing comes from a place of emotion. Compelling-ness. What have you; these past few months have been anything but compelling. I've made gigantic changes and adjustments. One- for which- I moved back in with my parents.

After living on my own for a good five years or so (maybe even longer) it has NOT been easy. Our views, the way we live among other MAJOR things are completely different. I truly felt I lost my voice and I was CONSTANTLY frustrated. I mean, 24/7. Mostly I was angry. Angry at myself, angry at the world and angry every time I "did something incorrect". To my parents standards- I was failing. Believe me, no one beat me up worse than I did.

The thing about anger is that it can turn into resentment pretty quickly and look, I'm not saying I still don't feel these things because HO-MAH-GOODNESS I still do but, I've learned to cope with a suffocating household as an adult. I thought this could be useful to some of those boomerang babies out there.

So here are somethings I learned- for both spiritual and non spiritual peoples- this can apply to anyone.

1) Claim your right as a boomerang baby. Fuck the people that make you feel bad about it. Shit happens and if people are only willing to judge you on your mistakes, screw that. You don't need that negativity in your life!

2) You're going to sweat the small stuff- especially if you are in an unwanted situation and have anxiety problems (like yours truly). Know what triggers you and know when someones "advice" is coming from a judgmental place or hateful place. That has EVERYTHING to do with them and NOT with you. 

3) Learn to laugh it off!! This one is MAJOR. Something that has helped me at certain states of shock is: take a step back and compare it to a quirky sitcom. It lessens the disbelief of the situation and helps to put things in a place of ridiculousness; where it PROBABLY belongs. 

4) Set goals, keep busy. Sometimes this is easier said than done. (Hey choir, meet preacher!) This is so damn helpful. Not only is it helping you stay focused and gets you out of the house but it will put you full steam ahead in a grounded way. Choo-choo motherfucker! This train ain't got no breaks! 

 5) Don't change the person you are. I am a people pleaser and it's hard for me to be combative in any way. I don't enjoy confrontation and I like to make everyone happy. This makes me my own worst enemy. It's a learning process to live with ANYONE, even if you've lived there/ with that person before. If people are not willing to compromise then just be polite, keep your head down and stay out of the way. Just remember: it's a learning process. This is an opportunity for you to grow, observe and understand why others may act the way that they do. It's an opportunity to be empathetic and maybe do some inner soul searching on why you may feel stifled. Don't do this out of fear either... at least try not to. Have it come from a place of love- this is something I have NOT mastered for myself yet- believe me. Just remember you can trust yourself always. You are you for a reason and if others don't want to embrace that then that's their problem... and no business of yours. They can keep that to themselves; which is my usual response. 

6) If you practice spiritual stuffs- Do it, Do it, DO IT! Another thing I have a completely difficult time with is this: connection with the self. This is so imperative when in toxic situations. You control your own path, your own life and how it unfolds. Please, do not allow that resentment to build and build until you hate everything you've become. Put it somewhere. Give it to the Gods and Godesses. Give it to Hecate, Odin, Isis, Jesus, Frejya, the Universe. Give it to pen and paper, a canvas, paint, photoshop, journals, looseleaf, a drumset. Give it to the pavement, a baseball, football, basketball, the ocean. Create something beautiful within and/or without of yourself because you ARE beautiful and deserve some relief.

These things have helped a bunch. I am not perfect though. No one is so if you react badly to something or you trip up, do me a favor and stop being so hard on yourself. As Bob Ross says: "there are no mistakes, just happy accidents!". Embrace it. It's humanity at its finest. 

Go with love and light, 

XOX Pixie. 

P.s. If that wasn't enough to cheer you up- Here's Bob Ross beating up his brush to get it clean! Love this man!